An awesome breakfast, but a terrible carnival ride

The Scrambler. To most people, it’s a filling breakfast burrito packed full of eggs, breakfast meat, real cheddar cheese, and potatoes, making it probably the greatest burrito anyone could ever eat before 11:30 a.m.

To others, the Scrambler might mean something else entirely: a completely insane ride that seems to be at the center of every carnival that’s ever existed. That’s right, while our Grande Scrambler is a thing of breakfast beauty, filled with hearty meat, bold flavor, joy, and general positivity, the OTHER scrambler is a TERRIBLE ride full of despair, confusion, and regret. It quickly spins you in circles while an ex­‐rodeo clown named Mitch pushes a few green buttons and watches you plead for mercy. Since the Taco Bell® Grande Scrambler is such an amazing breakfast, and the carnival Scrambler is such a horrible nightmare, we think it’s about time the world stops referring to them with the same name. We propose naming the carnival’s spinny deathwagon thing something more representative of the experience. Actually, that’s pretty good; from now on, the carnival ride formerly known as “The Scrambler” is now called “The Spinny Deathwagon Thing.” Perfect.